This post might be surprising for most of you, but I’ll be sharing some tips that are essential to learn for mastering the most valuable ability in this world the ability to say ‘NO’. Yes! Saying No, not to ‘drugs’ or to ‘alcohol’, but to ‘people’. We live in a fast paced world where everyone is running to get his or her things done in the best possible way. Consequently, we need a well-knit social circle and good friends. There is nothing wrong about it as ‘Koala Brothers’ used to say: ‘we are here to help’, similarly people are ‘there to help’.
However, keeping them around yourself just for the sake of help is utterly wrong. This distorts the bond of friendship and dips it in the filth of selfishness. Sooner or later, no matter how sweet or caring you pretend to be, the other person will get disgusted because of your exploitative measures. He/She will realize that you are using friendship as a tool to fix your things. Then, one day you’ll hear a big ‘NO’.
This ‘NO’ isn’t easy, at least for timid people like me. Saying ‘NO’ to someone was something next to impossible for me, till October 2012. I was a book-bug sort of student, others didn’t mind being friendly with me near the examinations, when the deadline for term paper/presentation used to be around the corner and when they had no clue about what the teachers were talking about during the lecture. Some of my very competent teachers didn’t find it difficult to give me a call when they were too busy to manage their work. The fault had always been on my part, lending notes, finishing tasks like workaholics, placing my work aside and working for the teachers at the University. All this pain just due to the inability to say ‘NO’.
As time passed by, I got really upset and felt dejected. It was a psychological torture for me to be exploited. Above all, I was furious about my reluctance to refuse others (even if I wanted to). Finally, God listened to the woes of my heart and I mastered something that will help me throughout my life.
Here are some tips that I practised:
For those friends who bunk classes and rely on your notes at the end of the semester. Tell them clearly that you pay for the notebook, pens, spend your energy to walk to the library and tolerate every single day the voices of all the teachers. Moreover, your parents pay as much as their parents do to make sure that you stay within the premises of the University.
For the potato couches in your class or junior batch. Request them politely to do their work and pull up their socks as you won’t be earning for them in the future.
For the one’s who decide to see your face when they need to know the syllabus for the examinations. Ask them not to go through the discomfort of looking at your face. Instead, they have better options:
– to get a pack of ear buds and use them so that they can hear properly.
– get an appointment form a good ‘eye specialist’ to look at the board.
– eat almonds to enhance their ‘memory retention’.
For those who finally come to know in the examination hall that you are a part of their class, so let’s be friends. Simple! Your answer should be: ‘I’d love to be your friend, but after taking the exam, I get ‘dumb and deaf’ during that time’
For the competent teachers who need you as a ‘personal assistant’. This is the most difficult ‘NO’ as you have to be witty. Your teacher decides your grades and influences your GPA. Be tactful! Don’t pick up the call within the University and fly away to another department/block/main library. (Make an excuse later). Teach your teacher that he/she might look at other fields or professions if ‘teaching’ isn’t turning out to be ‘his’/’her’ cup of tea. (Do this at your own risk and cautiously as the teacher might explode!)
I hope this isn’t difficult at all. I implemented these 5 tips. They did wonders for me! You might be left with just two or three friends after this, but you need to be content with the fact that those are the one’s who mean the world for you. Sincere friends deserve help, love, care as their legitimate right. All the rest are just fake flowers. Filter such artificial people out of your life and feel the difference, learn to say ‘NO’.
P.S After reading this, I don’t want anyone to stop behaving like a human being. Identify and help those who are in genuine need of your attention, such people always have high regard for you! It’s easy to segregate them from the categories mentioned above in this post.
Originally posted by the same author on http://thevoiceofyouth.com/2012/12/09/how-i-learned-to-say-no/